Reflecting

One year next month feels like a different lifetime. I feel like it was all a bad dream but that was my real life madness.

So much has happened since the last time I saw him. I've met a respectful, full of energy, responsible drinking, non drug using, non abusive, adventurous, providing, goal oriented person I could ever dream of. Amazing with me BUT also Kaeley. Not once has he thrown "well, she isn't mine" or "she is yours" in my face, he not only helps provide for her but he plays with her too... Takes care of her at 4am when she is sick and is happy to do it. I got really LUCKY.

Thinking about what my life was and how it is now I can't believe I ever had such a horrible life with such a abusive person. I had a gun go off in my apartment while I was pregnant...that is NOT normal and I still have nightmares from it.

I still fear for the future. I fear he will see me and my happily ever after family out and something bad to happen. I fear when the restraining order is up in two years he will try and fight for custody. He will be a complete stranger to her and I can never trust he will really be sober rehab or not. I don't even leave Kaeley with people I trust let alone someone I don't trust....